


Peer Counselling

by trashsshi



Category: VICTON (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to X1, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Content, lame innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26523106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashsshi/pseuds/trashsshi
Summary: Seungwoo's absence is heavy on Sejun, who plans to cope with it in his usual non-coping manner. Subin teaches him not to neglect his needs, emotional and physical.
Relationships: Im Sejun/Jung Subin, Implied/referenced Han Seungwoo/Im Sejun
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Peer Counselling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Owlvis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlvis/gifts).



> I'm familiar with Victon but not super familiar, so I hope I didn't write any inaccuracies >.<

Sejun likes carrying Subin around in a princess lift. Subin is everybody’s baby, but Sejun loves holding him as if he’s weightless. It’s as though Subin telescopes into koala-size for him. And Subin likes to tease Sejun in the kinds of ways only a maknae can get away with teasing a hyung. Once, during a performance on ASC, Sejun almost laughed when he and Subin had to meet eyes and hands in one part of the choreography. It was because of Subin’s gaze, as he explained later in the show; Subin’s eyes which always held the promise of mischief. And Subin had said, “I can’t put myself in hyung’s shoes, because I always concentrate when I’m performing.” _Unlike hyung,_ he teasingly unsaid. Sejun stood up in mock indignation while the rest of Victon hooted. But he couldn’t hold back his indented grin; that ever-ready strain of mischief in Subin had revealed itself. 

All of which to say: Sejun has never been confused about the dynamic he shares with Subin, and Subin has always worn his maknae mantle easily and flourishingly, never really breaking that baby mold. Until now.

The stirrings of change began when Seungwoo participated in that frankly odious survival show (but then they all are), and emerged a victorious member of X1, the final lineup. They were all proud of him, and of Byungchan as well; heartachingly proud. Some of the attention those two were getting was siphoning off onto the rest. They were grateful, and relieved, that they did not have to go through what Seungwoo and Byungchan had taken the fall to put themselves through. _Ugly grateful and ugly relieved,_ thought Sejun, as the aftermath of the formation of X1 put him in a position he wasn’t accustomed to. He had to shoulder some of Seungwoo’s burdens in his absence; he couldn’t let it all fall to Seungsik. He had to be more responsible, a little more leader-like. He had expected their hiatus to be at least partly relaxing, a chance to rest, but it put him in an endless loop of worrying about the future instead; and now they were going to be active again he had expected to feel relief that their hiatus had ended. But instead he was ugly relieved. Instead, it felt like a slightly altered extension of the funk he had fallen into during their hiatus.

He is aware that he’s not the only one suffering from their recent upheavals; he can see changes in the others too, a much more sober and unenthusiastic hopefulness than they’d had in their early days and a sense of getting more attention (and consequently being under more scrutiny) than ever before. He has been trying to behave as much like his usual self as possible, but he has a constant niggling suspicion that he isn’t fooling anyone. He tosses around at night, wondering if he can approach the others about his feelings, but he is neither hyung nor maknae, so he doesn’t know who he can go to for comfort. They’re probably grappling with enough, anyway, without him latching onto one of their shoulders to sniffle on. Not that he intends to do any sniffling, because he has never been good at expending his feelings or letting them out in any way- but he concludes that it’s better not to bring up his feelings at all. What if the others aren’t feeling like he is? What if they can’t understand? What if they can’t understand why he’s not overjoyed? None of them are in his position, after all; they have their defined places in the group relative to each other, unlike him who feels like the slipping-out middle of a sandwich. And this is supposed to be their second coming, the big turn in their careers.

He decides to just stew in his stress until it’s either resolved or driven away by external circumstances. Like he usually does. It sucks, of course, and it’s not really a coping mechanism; often it brings him on the verge of a panic attack- but hey, it’s what he’s used to doing.

~

On one of their free days he asks Subin to play videogames with him. Subin gives him a disquietingly searching look. Subin knows that Sejun asks to play videogames either because he simply wants to hang out and play or because he’s stressed and has no other recourse- but the chances of it being either are fifty-fifty. Is Sejun stressed or is he just in the mood to play? Sejun’s countenance is frustratingly hard to read at these times because he’s so determinedly dimply and Subin can’t tell if he’s putting on a mask.

Well, he thinks he could find out- if he attacks right.

Sejun plays for a couple of hours straight with Subin, first a shooter, and then a combat RPG. In general, games that call for quick actions require focus enough to distract him successfully, but today… something is different.

Sejun is more aware of Subin than usual, even when he’s trying his level best to beat him.

It must be the glasses, Sejun thinks. It’s not the first time Subin has worn glasses, but even though they’re the round kind, they don’t look cute on him. On the contrary he looks more mature. Actually- he feels more mature, thinks Sejun absently; his slanting eyes are serious and calculative. Sejun thought that since Subin is also the youngest sibling in his family, with three sisters all older than him, that he’d be some kind of eternal maknae, but evidently Subin can shake off the maknae mantle.

“Why’re you spacing out?” says Subin. “Your avatar just died, hyung.” The slanting eyes behind the round glasses meet Sejun’s startled gaze, and Subin smirks, satisfied.

Sejun turns to the screen. “Let’s go another round.” For the first time, Sejun doesn’t know where he stands with Subin, where to put which foot. Subin’s aura has changed and their dynamic changed with it. It must be because of everything their group has been through recently, the hiatus and Seungwoo’s promotions with a different group; Subin must feel the strain too, and the responsibility, despite being the maknae. Perhaps Subin feels less disposed to let his hyungs take care of him if he can tell that his hyungs are having a difficult time too. Or perhaps Sejun is just projecting.

“That’s what he said,” says Subin’s voice, and Sejun whips around to face him, shocked. It’s a silly joke, too silly for Sejun to even snort at, but Subin’s gaze is different again, gauging his reaction. Sejun can’t school his expression quickly enough, can’t play dumb. Heat has crept up his neck and ears, and a smirk has crept up Subin’s face. Things have permanently changed between them, and that’s yet another thing to keep Sejun tossing at night. As if he needed any more.

~ 

“Don’t you think something’s different about Subin?” Sejun says to Hanse.

“Like what?” says Hanse indifferently, but Sejun can’t put his finger on it.

“That’s the kind of thing you say when you grow a crush on someone,” teases Seungsik, and Sejun rolls his eyes.

Sejun just can’t believe he played videogames with Subin for a solid two hours only for it to increase his stress instead of busting it. That has never happened before. And he hasn’t talked to Subin properly since then. Subin only prowls around him with that disquieting gaze of his. Subin puts on his maknae persona plenty around the others, flopping on the couch with Hanse and Chan while curling up as though he might start sucking his toes any second. Seungwoo used to enjoy feeding him as though he was a baby bird, and now that Seungwoo is away Seungsik and occasionally Byungchan seem to want to channel that habit. Sejun used to carry Subin around, mostly like a princess but sometimes on his back- but that has stopped. Sejun thinks Subin doesn’t want that from him anymore. Subin seems to want to be babied less, and Sejun can understand that; but Subin continues to be babied to some extent by everyone else but Sejun, and _that_ just makes Sejun grit his teeth with forlorn jealousy.

“Don’t you think Subin seems more mature nowadays?” Sejun says to Chan.

“He is growing up,” says Chan.

“So he wants to be treated accordingly,” shrugs Byungchan.

“That’s the kind of thing you say-” begins Seungsik.

“I do not have a crush on him!” Sejun says hotly.

“...Oh, hi, Subinnie,” says Byungchan awkwardly. Sejun gulps and turns to find Subin has entered the room. Hanse ruffles Subin’s hair, slinging an arm across his shoulders, and Sejun pushes past them. Sejun leaves because he suspects Subin overheard him. That shouldn’t matter- he didn’t say anything that mattered, so why does he feel so embarrassed? Damn Seungsik, I bet Subin learned to find innuendos in everything from him, Sejun thinks savagely.

Sejun seethes in his room for a while, wondering how to behave around Subin next time they cross paths. He has just resigned himself to another night of fitful sleep when there’s a knock on his door, and Subin’s voice. “Hyung? Can I come in?”

Sejun scrambles off the bed and lets him in. Subin shuts the door behind him. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“Yeah?” Sejun is relieved. “What’s bothering you?” They’re back on a footing he can place again, back to the hyung-maknae relationship. Here Subin stands, asking for his hyung’s counsel.

“Actually, I want to ask what’s bothering you,” says Subin imperturbably.

“Nothing,” says Sejun too quickly, dimpling desperately at him. 

“I’m not an idiot, I know that half the time you want to play videogames with me because you’re stressed and need to relax. The other half of the time you have sex with Seungwoo because you’re both stressed and need to relax-” Sejun chokes, and Subin continues, still imperturbable- “but now Seungwoo’s away and you’re obviously in need of better coping mechanisms.”

Sejun crosses his arms. _The defenses are being attacked._

“Look, I don’t know whether you and Seungwoo really talked whenever something was troubling you. But you never share your feelings with me. We play games and we have fun but you never open up, and, well.” Subin throws up his hands. “Seungwoo isn’t here. So, you can talk to me, you know?”

“I never talked to Seungwoo either,” says Sejun honestly. “He was coming to me to feel better.”

“Hearing your feelings and sharing his own might have made him feel better, and you as well.”

Sejun is silent. Subin crawls closer. “I mean it, hyung. You can come to me now.”

“Why?” says Sejun.

Subin smiles like a feline huntsman. “Because I want us to be closer, hyung.” Sejun thinks for a moment that Subin is going to lay his head on his shoulder, but Subin tilts, latches onto the side of his neck. Sejun gasps.

Subin nips at his ear, then whispers into it: “I can help you like this too.”

“I don’t see you that way,” says Sejun unsteadily.

Subin draws back. “Don’t you see me differently nowadays?”

 _He wanted me to see him differently,_ Sejun thinks, amazed. When Sejun doesn’t answer, Subin kisses him, soft and hesitant, like a question.

Sejun kisses back.

~

“Anything said during sex is inconsequential,” Subin had said, but Sejun isn’t so sure.

Nevertheless, Subin makes swirls with his finger in the cum spread over Sejun’s pillowy thighs, and Sejun speaks.

“I still feel like I’m supposed to take care of you and not the other way around.”

“You don’t let the hyungs take care of you either.”

“Should I?”

Subin scowls jealously. “Just shut up and let me take care of you.”

“Is this how you take care of me?”

“Yes,” says Subin calmly. “What were you saying about feeling guilty?”

“Oh, that,” Sejun gulps. “It’s just, Seungwoo is shouldering so much for us, that I’ve no right to feel like I’m struggling.”

“Let’s not measure our sufferings,” says Subin blandly, “or our dicks. This isn’t a contest.”

“Who taught you to talk like that?!”

“Sejun, we just had _sex,”_ Subin says impatiently. “Now continue.”

“I should be excited about everything that’s in front of us, but I don’t.”

“We’re all tired,” says Subin. “Once we’re on stage in front of screaming fans, we’ll get that old adrenaline pumping again.”

‘Yeah,” says Sejun doubtfully.

“Just don’t beat yourself up for feeling _anything,”_ says Subin, and then dips his head, taking Sejun’s dick into his mouth. 

When Sejun’s vision clears, it’s to see Subin licking cum from the corners of his mouth. Subin flops down next to him, sharing his pillow.

A memory rears up: Seungwoo swirling cum around Sejun’s navel, and then into it. Subin tracing swirls is what must have triggered the memory- that and, well, the sex. Seungwoo liked marking his thighs, and he liked putting cum with his fingers in Sejun’s dimples too, like marking his face with icing from a birthday cake. Seungwoo liked to say that he wanted to fill every hole of Sejun’s including his dimples and navel. Half of Sejun would be weirded out and the other half incredibly turned on, every time. Sejun operates in fifty-fifties.

Sejun looks at Subin’s peacefully sleeping face and knows that he won’t toss tonight, except to snuggle Subin. And that’s a certainty. 

**Author's Note:**

> When I first began writing this it was Seungwoo/Sejun, but Subin crept in and I rewrote the whole thing. I don't know what this is >.< but this is its final form.


End file.
